Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Bye Bye Fallopian Tubes...

Yesterday we finally went in to see the OB that will do my surgery. At first I was impatient and wanted to have this done immediately. But after Tricare pulled their stunt with taking away our medication costs, I got frustrated and gave up. After all... that means another 1000 euro or so to add on top of what we already paid and will be paying again. Yes I'm complaining, and I know I should consider myself lucky that we aren't doing this in the states. I know it costs 3 times as much there. But this was one of the many reasons we came to Germany. Because we were told fertility treatments were easier to obtain here. And now Tricare is making that even more impossible.

We decided to take our time with this. Some days I am ready for the next step... some I am so negative about the whole experience, I just don't care to put myself through it again. But I will because I do want more babies. So the next step is one I thought about long and hard. Removing what is left of my tubes. It was not an easy decision... do not be excited about this "for me". It's not exciting for me and it does not make me happy. Remember, 4 months ago I had no idea my girlie parts were deceiving me. I just thought "it wasn't our time"... "it will happen when it happens". NO! IT WON'T. It will happen WHEN I MAKE IT HAPPEN! And now I am taking away any chance of it ever happening on it's own. No matter what the doctors tell me... there is still that little thought in my head that says... but what if we had a miracle. What if one of those embryo's fought it's way so hard to make it down the tube through the scar tissue and MADE IT! This surgery will remove any of that hope. And I am incredibly sad about it. But... I will do what I have to to remove any and all obstacles standing in our way for our next round of IVF.

I met the OB yesterday and she was very nice. I like her and look forward to seeing her when we do get pregnant. She explained the surgery to me. It is a simple outpatient surgery... laparoscopically done through the naval and then two on the right and left sides of my abdomen. They will cut out the remaining right tube and clean up what remains from the left one. They will also close off the holes where the tubes connect to the uterus so that fluid will not continue to leak in and wash away my beautiful embryos. I asked her if I could go back to work the following day, but she suggested that I take the rest of the week off. I had to reschedule 5 photo sessions. I have no days off between now and the day before my surgery... so that was stressful. But I'm ready to tackle my busy season I guess.

The surgery is scheduled for April 3rd. John has to take the day off from work to be with me. We met the anesthesiologist and he explained his process. He was also very nice and spoke English very well. I guess that's that. Hoping nothing else goes wrong when they get in there... We really want more babies!!!!!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

This is Why I LOVE him...

I can't begin to describe the feelings I have for this man. I don't know if I deserve him all of the time. I've taken him for granted soo many times. It's easy to get mad and forget the reasons why you fell in love. But sometimes out of the blue, he amazes me with just a few words. Three months ago I asked John if he would build me a wall. As random as that may sound, it's not really shocking coming from me. He has grown used to my strange requests. I showed him a few samples and the wheels began turning. I described to him a beautiful spring booth that I was envisioning. I found flooring and furniture and all I wanted from him was a wall. I wasn't sure he'd go for it... but I was surprised when he started making decorating suggestions. He even looked at frames with me. All he had to do was ask me a simple question about my booth and it turned me into a giddy mess! I love that he supports me and this business. I think back to when I first started photography. We were out sunbathing in our pool and out of nowhere he asked me if I was serious about photography. He said he thought I was better than "walmart" and that I had potential. Those little words made me want it more. I know he is proud of me because of the way he brings it up randomly when I'm not even talking about it. He picked up a picture of Aidan in the house the other day and said "The picture that started it all". I love him because of those words. He spent hours outside in the cold building a frame for the wall. He rented a van, and carried all of the supplies to the hangar the day before the Bazaar. He spent the entire day Thursday putting together my wall and helping me arrange the furniture. He never once complained about it. And then this morning he even RAN the booth when I had to be somewhere else. I am so lucky to have this man in my life. He will do anything that I ask him to without a question (well except letting me have a baby pig...booo). And he supports me in a way that no one else can. When I was purchasing materials for the booth, I felt guilty. I was spending too much. I asked him if he thought this would all be worth it. His words... "Hellz yeah... show these people why you charge what you do and that you deserve it". I love him for those words. He probably doesn't even realize how happy he makes me when he says them. I am soo incredibly proud of what he did for me this week/end. He knows me more than I know myself. My vision was even more beautiful than I expected. It was perfect and he made it that way. And here it is... My Ansbach Debut (thanks to my amazing hubby)!!!!