Assisted Hatching.

After the egg retrieval on Friday, we did a lot of talking about Assisted Hatching.  On Saturday morning, I messaged the doctor to see how many embryos were developing.  He messaged me later that afternoon to let me know that we had 4 good quality ones left and 2 minor quality ones.  I wrote back letting him know that we had some concerns about the procedure.  He called me on Monday evening to address those concerns.  #1... I'm not going to lie, the costs of the procedure were pretty important to us.  We've already spent almost $7000, we needed to make sure we could first afford this "extra".  There is no point in asking any other questions if we couldn't.  I was relieved when he said it was only an additional 150-200 euro.  #2... Will this increase the risk of birth defects or disorders?  I know this should have been the first question, but I was already convinced that the procedure wouldn't be offered if this was a concern.  The doctor told me that that is all in the chromosomes and has nothing to do with any of the things we do to try and force implantation.  I guess in reality... everything IVF/ICSI or even conceiving naturally has those risks so theres nothing you can do about it.  #3... Is there a risk of damaging the embryo during the procedure?  Yes, but it's a very small risk and the embryo can be damaged at any stage of the process even without assisted hatching.  So we said go for it!  

Tuesday- The embryos were "assisted".  Got a quick text from my Doctor saying that we have 3 good quality embryos after the assisted hatching for tomorrow's transfer!  3 is good.  It's more than 0.  I'm still nervous that we will lose more overnight, but hoping all 3 stay strong!  Up bright and early tomorrow to put our babies in!  

Straight to the Point.

It's almost like this is just getting old to me.  I don't feel like writing much about today so I'm going to keep it simple for documentation purposes.  Everything went smoothly.  Once we got to the clinic it was like hitting all the green lights on the way in.  I didn't have to stop a single time and wait.  Up on the table... told doc good luck and see you on the other side.  Woke up crying a teency bit and right away asked the nurse if I could leave.  She had me lay there for about 30 minutes and it was onto my followup visit with the doc.  He said they retrieved "at least" 6 eggs but that they were still looking around in the fluid in the dish.  So there is a possibility there are more and I can call to check on them tomorrow.  I asked a question about the HCG shot helping with implantation.  He prescribed me Brevactid and told me to take it on day 2 after the puncture, again the day after embryo Transfer, and again 3 days later.  He said basically what it does is forces your body to produce it's own progesterone.  I still have to take half of the dose of the actual progesterone pills... but my own natural progesterone should be better right?

Also last week when I had my mini breakdown in his office, I told him this was our last time, we can't afford it anymore and I wanted to know what we can do to assist implantation.  He suggested a method of "shaving" the embryo if it's outer layer (the zona) is too thick.  I registered it into the vault but didn't ask anymore questions.  Upon researching it further, I've concluded that he was talking about Assisted Hatching.  It is beneficial to older women (35 and above) who have problems with implantation due to lower quality embryos and hardening of the zona layer.  This concerned John because we aren't sure exactly what being a low quality embryo means.  Further research leads me to believe that the embryo quality only affects it's success of implantation.  I would like to assume that if the embryo had any other defects, my body would reject it naturally.  But I will confirm this idea with the doctor tomorrow and ask for other risk factors.  So... as of now... 6 eggs are fertilizing in a little petri dish :)

The Appointment.

This is the appointment that always has me frazzled.  Every time.  The one right before we schedule our Egg retrieval that basically makes me feel like my ovaries are failures because they aren't producing enough follicles.  There never is much difference even with the changing of medications.  Still about the same.  Today I went in for my second scan.  Guess what!  We have 13 total follicles!  This is more than we've ever had.  Only 8 seem healthy enough for retrieval... but even that is more than last time when I had 6 good sized ones.  So I can be satisfied with that.  4 fatties on each side.  2 skinnies on the right and 3 skinnies on the left.  We'll go with that.  Egg retrieval is scheduled for Freitag!

Three. Point. Five.

I'm back again!  Starting from scratch.  After the last round, I was at a complete loss.  I thought everything was going perfect and it was a sure thing.  But again it resulted in a big fat FAIL.  I'm not sure how much more of this I can take... but I'm forcing myself to complete one more round.  Forget about the $20,000 we've spent on this shit.  I want babies dammit.  I'm telling myself that this is the LAST round and we'll just have to accept whatever outcome.  But then again... I'm an addict.  I need babies in my life.  Our babies.  I refuse to be an empty nester before my 40's.  REFUSE!!!!  So please, please, please... let this be!!!

So... after every round, I find new things I should be doing to make sure everything is right.  I found out about this procedure called a hysteroscopy.  It's basically just a scope that goes in through your cervix to check out your uterus.  Make sure there are no adhesions, polyps, or scar tissue hanging around preventing implantation.  I immediately thought to myself... WHAT THE HECK!  Why didn't we do this to begin with???  Why didn't they just do it when they removed my other tube?  WTF!!!  Could have solved the whole problem right?  Well anyways... I went in for the procedure in April.  Doc said my uterus was clean.  Dangit!  As stupid as it sounds... I'd hoped for something in there to be removed so I knew what the problem was.   But there wasn't... and I am fine.  So what the heck is keeping those little boogers from implanting???  I texted IVF doc and he said I could start right away.  Don't even need to wait a cycle or 2 after the procedure.  Do it now.  I read a few fertility boards and girls were saying they were more fertile after this kind of procedure (for something like 2-3 months after).  No one knows why... but the rates went up.  And John is leaving randomly over the next few months... so it's now or never I guess.  So we jumped right in!

Fertility Doc said he didn't even need to see me.  Just pick up my prescription and schedule and start my shots on day 1.  Well... I waited and waited for Aunt Flo to come.  That bitch was late.  I had a girls trip planned with R that weekend, but one of my shots needed to stay refrigerated.  You know what... carrying around a freezer bag with an ice pack to keep your syringes cold is a huge pain in the ass!  My drive to the airport was 3 hours...so by the time I got there the ice pack had melted.  The security people let me bring it through even though it was over 3 ounces of liquid... but they gave me some crazy looks.  The flight attendant was very helpful and put my shots in the fridge on the plane.  But when we got to the hotel, we didn't have a real fridge... it was a cooler.  So it wasn't cold enough.  I had to constantly fill my bag with ice from the machine.  I checked it morning and night to refill the bag with ice chips.  Then on my return flight... I went to McDonald's for ice for the drive home.

So Anyways... Aunt flo finally showed up on Mother's Day.  I promised I wasn't going to look for signs this time.  But how freaking ironic is that.  Then again, she came on my Birthday and Valentines Day last time too.  So forget about the signs I guess.  I was told to come for an ultrasound on Day 6- today.  I chose to go alone this time.  I don't want to make a huge deal out of everything since I've pretty much convinced myself that it is not happening.  The doctor changed my prescription to Menegon instead of Puregon.  I've been sticking myself with 5 needles every morning.  Yeah... it has been pretty sucky and I've got some major bruises in my belly.  I was hoping that the change of medication would mean my ovaries would respond better.  My right ovary even felt more active than usual.  Lots of twinges and flutters.  And that FAT feeling.  Just plain yucky all week.  I'm tired, bloated, nauseous, and crampy.  Forget about the gym... it's not gonna happen this time.  I know I was gung ho last time to not gain weight.  But I really just don't give a shit this time.  I can lose it later.  And right now... 7 layer burritos make me happy.

I was late to my appointment because of parking and threw a little fit in the car.  My hormones have been raging all month.  So there have been lots of tears and screaming at random shit.  I ended up having to park about a mile away.  Probably a good thing since I haven't been going to the gym :P.  Get to the office and end up waiting for 20 minutes.  Finally see the doctor and he's all... "how are you feeling" pointing to his belly.  I'm cracking up at this for some weird reason.  Brush the comment away and tell him I gave myself too big of a dose today.  He says it doesn't matter and tells me to undress.  I'm not even sure what I was expecting.  All of my feelings just kind of disappeared waiting for him to tell me what he sees.  Immediately after the fun wand was inserted... he made a weird aha sound.  Like he'd discovered something interesting, but didn't acknowledge it any further.  He went into checking my uterus... but I blanked and can't even remember what he said.  Then he found my right ovary and said... here are 3 big ones... and 2 more.  He measured one of them at 14mm.  He seemed pleased with that.   I swear I saw a few more tiny ones, but I'm assuming they won't amount to anything. Then he moved over to the left ovary.  He said she's hiding behind your uterus... I can't see it.  That damn ovary!  He says maybe he will be able to see it at the next ultrasound on Wed.  So we are just hoping.  That's it... we are waiting and hoping.  Update next Wed!

And here is My JUNKIE station: