Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Year With Him

How did I let a month and a half slip away without writing? I promised I would write. I needed to so that next time I would have something to relate to. We tend to forget our feelings as time passes by. I do at least. Soo many emotions have flowed through this house in the last few weeks. But most of all happiness. Bliss. I swear it's like I've met him for the first time. I've fallen in love all over again. I get giddy everytime he walks into the room. It's silly, but I can't help it. He is soo good to me. He gives me everything I need... and even everything I want. I wonder sometimes if he feels the same way about me. We've had our moments, and the difficulties are still there. But this time I've embraced this more. This time I will not take him for granted. These moments could be different. I could not have them at all. I am extremely grateful to have him home with me. Extremely. I don't mean to boast. It's not my intention at all. I just want to remember this.

I feel like I haven't seen my friends in ages. We've all begun to follow separate paths. I am distracted with school, with business, with block leave, with selling a house, with HIM, and with my little family. I do remember this part of homecoming. It happens every time. I still try to make time for my ladies, but it's difficult. There isn't enough time in the days anymore. Maybe it's just because he's with me all day and I don't want to leave his side. I've managed to separate myself from him occasionally when I had to work on an assignment. But I didn't want to. I can't stand the idea of him going back to work soon. I can't stand the idea of him leaving me again in June. Just for a month. Just for training. But the thought just makes me cringe. Haven't we been apart long enough?

And then I heard some bad news. I wondered when I started this blog if the title would be fitting after he returned to me. And now I know it will remain the title until my husband belongs to me and only me. He told me a few weeks ago that the new unit we are moving to in Germany is scheduled to deploy in just about 1 year from now. Year on year off has now become a household motto. That will make 3 year's away in a 5 year time frame. 3 deployments in a row without much more than a year in between. No matter how many ways I say it, it still sounds awful to me. Did we make the right decision in our request for Germany? I got my hopes up for the VIP unit that does not deploy. But I do that to myself. It doesn't matter. It is what it is. I will accept it and love my year WITH him. I think the next deployment will be different. Knowing now how unpredictable it can be is scary. In the past I lived in an imaginary world. I never turned on the news channels, didn't read the papers. I hid myself from anything government related. I think I did it to protect myself. But I needed to do it. I couldn't sit and worry about him constantly. It's not healthy... (for me because I go insane looking at that stuff). But next time, I don't know. How can I not sit and worry about him now? Not after the last one. The worst one.

Anyways... I feel like I'm just rambling now. I need to blog about our latest outings. I will soon, and with lots of pictures!!!

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