Expectations...

From the moment we became parents, we knew we wanted more. We wanted to have at least two children close in age so they could grow up together. So they could "share" childhood memories. John and I both had that. I have 3 younger brothers and he has 2 younger brothers. It hasn't really worked out the way we'd planned. We do love being able to give Aidan everything a little boy could want. Spoiling him to his hearts content. But he's growing up. He's 12! I can't believe I can say I have a 12 year old. Where did the time go? Just yesterday I picked up my little 4 pound baby and kissed him on his cheek. Now.. he is almost as tall as me and moving on to high school. Next time I turn around, he will be off to College!

We have been trying probably about as long as Aidan has been around. I mean... John hasn't been home with us the entire 12 years. He was in Korea for most of the first year after Aidan was born, and then several deployments after that. I remember the moment when we realized it wasn't going to be an easy task. John came home for his first deployment in Iraq. Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant. We were thrilled. But it just wasn't meant to be. It was an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, resulting in the removal of one of my tubes. The doctors told me it was still possible to conceive another child and that I should not give up. We discussed fertility treatments, but in the states it all seemed so scary and "expensive". But people told me Germany had great clinics and high success rates. It was always a plan to use his Army career to our benefit and make use of the amazing travel opportunities. So we sat still in Clarksville, TN and waited for our chance. I'm not saying we came to Germany just to make a baby... but it was definitely on the pro side of our list.

Now that we're here, I am ready to readdress the whole baby issue. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get the ball rolling, but I met this girl who was planning on doing the same thing. I took it as a sign. She pushed me to make my appointment and I did. John and I went in to see Dr. V a couple of days ago. I'm not sure exactly what I expected. I kind of knew what he was going to say, but in my heart I was hoping he would give me an easy answer. Germans are very straight to the point. I like that. But I am a sensitive person. I cry for no reason. I make mountains out of mole hills. I go into little bouts of paranoia. I stress over stupid little details. This is me... and I wonder where Aidan gets it from.

Anyway. Dr V told us basically what we already knew. He said we were wasting time. 12 years is too long to be trying for a baby. He gave us 2 options. 1. "The long route" (lots of testings on every little aspect of each of us to find the answer to our sterility). or 2. Jump right into In Vitro Fertilization. Not to say #2 is going to work right away or even work at all. But he suggested that this was our best option. I was not ready to give up on the long route so quickly. After all... Tricare covers most of the things that were involved in that, but they DO NOT cover IVF. Although... it is cheaper here than it is in the states. John and I went home and discussed more. We decided that we are not getting any younger. And we decided that we really don't have much more time to do "the long route". We have been saving for a couple of years so financially we can do it. But it is going to be awful if at least one of those little embryo's doesn't stick!

I emailed Dr. V and told him what we wanted to do and he is having me come in and start the tests and drugs and all that in January. But actually do the IVF in February. I am confused on what all goes into this, but I have a month to google my eyeballs off. John keeps teasing that he wants twins. I could be happy with that. But it's hard enough making one right now, I have no expectations of making more. Only time will tell :).