Waiting.

These last few weeks have been a challenge. A challenge to control the emotions that are so close to the edge. I know that any day now I will get that call that says my sweetie is on his way home to me. But at the same time it scares me. What has changed since we were last together? A year. It's a long time. Yeah, there are those two weeks in between. But those weeks are a vacation. There's not enough time to complain or to bicker about whose taking out the trash tonight. We've done this before. This is our fourth time in fact. Four years without him. Not counting all of the months he was away at some sort of training. I've been soo used to doing everything around here myself lately, I've forgotten what it's like to have a man in the house to change the battery in the fire alarm. Or to keep all of the vehicles running properly. Or even to protect me when I'm scared at night. I'm sure we will reintegrate just fine. But we'll have to accept each others changes and make the best of them. He's been through alot, I've been through alot...even Aidan's been through alot.

Now the waiting. The last few weeks/days are pure torture. They seem to drag out. The longest days E-V-E-R! People keep asking me if I'm excited yet. No. I'm not. I will not be excited until his boots are on the ground. Until I see him march through those hangar doors. I really, truly want to. But it's hard. Very soon he will be in my arms again. I love that idea. But it makes me sad for those who we've lost. I feel guilty and undeserving. It's not fair. None of it is. Why her, why them? I've taken what we have for granted in the past. I'm going to try my best not to do that anymore. I love him. Soon.