A Beautiful Secret

As we approach the arrival of this little dude, something has been weighing heavily on my mind.  I know it's no one's business and I don't need to explain our choices to anyone.  But it's hard to keep this secret.  And... it's kind of a big deal.  I've been telling friends and family when the opportunity presents itself, we just haven't made it officially public yet.

It's funny how things work out.  We never imagined conceiving a second child would be so difficult on our own.  It's no secret that we've struggled with infertility for about 15 years and have undergone multiple attempts at IVF/ICSI.  But after the 3rd try and thousands of dollars down the drain, we gave up.  We felt defeated and broken.  We were leaving Europe and we knew we would never get the opportunity to try again in the US because of the substantial increase in price here.  I was at a loss until I found a support group on FB for couples in our position.  Through that support group I researched different options and found our answer.  I researched clinics in the US, Turkey, Mexico, England, Ireland, Spain and Poland that provided the methods I was interested in.  We initially liked the idea of adopting embryos.  But in the end we chose to use fresh donor eggs and sperm so that we could possibly freeze a few and come back for a genetic sibling.  That's right.  This baby came from a different set of genetics.  He is ours and will always be loved the same way any child conceived through traditional means would be loved.  I want his story to be special.  I don't want it to be a secret that we should be ashamed to share.  Because it is amazing that we can do this!  My body is housing a baby created from another woman's eggs.  How cool is that??? 

I'm having trouble putting my feelings into words about this because there are just so many.  We were given this amazing blessing.  Something we weren't sure would ever happen.  A new life to hold.  I'm excited to meet him and watch him grow.  But I also worry.  I won't list my worries because I am choosing to put those out of my mind for now and cross those bridges when necessary.  But for now, both John and I are in complete bliss.

I've had several private messages asking "what did you do different this time".  So I guess I wanted to share this piece of our journey to help other couples.  Of course it took a long time to realize this was the path for us.  But now, I see that DNA does not make a family... love does.